Dating apps have changed relationships in the 21st century. In today's digital world, love is just a swipe away. They have made one of people's greatest needs - love - accessible in the palm of their hands and made the search process close, fast, and straightforward. However, many young people find these platforms a source of mixed emotions, loneliness, and pressure, and still, they choose to participate. How can hope to find our soul mate in them?
At our core, we all want to connect. Deep down, our greatest desire is to overcome loneliness and find someone to love and be loved by. It's not just about dealing with life; love is life itself. We're looking for someone special who lets us be our authentic selves while creating a bond that gives life purpose.
Enter dating apps – seemingly the perfect solution to our existential isolation. They've changed the game, revolutionized how we meet romantic and sexual potential partners and made the search for love as easy as tapping on our phones. Their popularity is growing yearly, with studies showing that 40% of single adults now look for partners online, and a quarter of new couples meet through these platforms. On the surface, it seems like a dream come true – But here's where things get complicated.
Dating apps embody a key principle of existentialism: the freedom to choose. We choose whether to download the app to our mobile phones, create a user, design a profile, swipe, reply, send a message, and, of course, meet. But despite all these elements, many young people today feel that they have "no choice" but to be there.
Young people feel that using a dating app is a response to a social demand for a vibrant love life and, therefore, not necessarily motivated by romantic self-interest but by a social convention they're trapped in. Suddenly, our free choice feels more like a social obligation. Are we really choosing freely or just following the crowd?
The truth is that the world of dating apps is more complex than it first appears. Let's break down three key issues that blur our sense of choice in this landscape:
Too Many Fish in the Sea
You'd think having tons of potential matches would make finding "the one" easier. But too many choices can make us feel helpless and frustrated. We get caught up in the fear of missing out (FOMO) on someone better, leading to endless swiping and indecision.
Studies show that the extreme abundance of potential partners displayed on apps puts pressure on you to "finally" find your intended partner and makes you more anxious about being single than ever before. Knowing that there is a possibility that there may be a better and more exciting option paralyzes young people and even prevents them from trying in the first place.
The Commodification of Love
In our late-capitalist society, even the search for love has been commercialized. Dating apps, at their core, are businesses. They profit not from successful matches but from keeping us engaged and swiping. It's a digital marketplace where we're both the consumers and the product. We're caught in a cycle of momentary satisfaction followed by boredom or despair, constantly seeking the next match like shoppers hunting for the next sale.
Anxiety in the Digital Age
Using dating apps can trigger what existential psychologist Irvin Yalom calls our "ultimate concerns": isolation and meaninglessness. The constant swiping, comparing, and self-presentation can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and a sense of inauthenticity.
Sure, there's a thrill in getting matches and messages, but it often leads to increased worry and sadness in the long run. We start comparing ourselves to others, obsessing over our profiles, and feeling the pressure to be constantly desirable. It's exhausting and can leave us feeling empty and disconnected from what we really want.
We're faced with the existential challenge of creating ourselves through our choices, all while feeling pressured to present a swipe-worthy version of who we are.
So, is there hope in this digital dating landscape? Absolutely – but it requires a shift in perspective. The key is authenticity. Instead of getting caught up in the game of endless swiping, making surface-level connections, and crafting a profile based on what we think others want, we need to focus on being true to ourselves. As Sartre would say, "existence precedes essence" – you create yourself through your choices, so choose to be genuine: Recognize that every swipe, message, and date is your choice. Own these decisions rather than feeling controlled by the app. We can transform the apps from a source of anxiety into a tool for authentic self-discovery and connection. We need to use our freedom to choose not just potential partners but how we engage with the entire process. You're in control of your own authentic choices.
As we swipe through profiles, we're not just searching for a match – we're engaged in the fundamental human quest for meaning and connection. We can find hope in the digital dating world by staying true to ourselves and embracing our freedom to choose.
References
ארווין יאלום (2011). פסיכותרפיה א קזיסטנציאליסטית. ירושלים : הוצאת מאגנס וכנרת. (עמ' 5-16).
Abulof, U. (2017). Be Yourself! How Am I Not Myself? Between Essentialist and Existentialist Authenticity. Society, 54(6), 530–532. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12115-017-0183-0
Bandinelli, C., & Bandinelli, A. (2021). What does the app want? A psychoanalytic interpretation of dating apps’ libidinal economy. Psychoanalysis, Culture & Society, 26(2), 181–198. https://doi.org/10.1057/s41282-021-00217-5
Castro, Á., & Barrada, J. R. (2020). Dating Apps and Their Sociodemographic and Psychosocial Correlates: A Systematic Review. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 17(18), 6500. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph17186500
Eagleton, Terry (2007). The Meaning of Life. New York: Oxford University Press.
Fromm, Erich (1956) The Art of Loving. New York: Harper.
Her, Y.-C., & Timmermans, E. (2021). Tinder blue, mental flu? Exploring the associations between Tinder use and well-being. Information, Communication & Society, 24(9), 1303–1319. https://doi.org/10.1080/1369118X.2020.1764606
Sartre, Jean-Paul. 2007 [1945]. Existentialism Is a Humanism. New Haven: Yale University Press.
Schwartz, B. (2005). The paradox of choice: why more is less (1st Ecco paperback ed.). Ecco.
תגובות